In Chin Deep

Bernie Madoff is the fuck who was responsible for tons of greedy douchebags and charitable organizations losing most or nearly all of their money. He was once the renowned former chairman of the NASDAQ SE and now has become a household name, having been charged with carrying out one of the most amazing investor fraud cases ever perpetrated. His connections span the globe. At this moment, he is currently under house-arrest until he has to face his indictment….hoping and waiting that his wealth and connections can help him.

As a result of what Bernie has done, there are a good amount of people out there that wish harm towards this man. I myself am not one of those people. I do not believe in “wishing someone harm,” however, I do believe in Karma. I believe that Karma can befall people like him and restore the natural order. So until Karma comes along, lets hop in the imagination machine and imagine what forms it could come in…such as one of the following:

POISONING: Maybe he is secretly a foodie (food aficionado) and loves nothing but the most exotic and new creations. Let’s say that one particular night he decides to kick it up a notch and has some five-star chef come to his place to prepare him Fugu (blowfish, lethal if not prepared correctly). Unfortunately, Karma could make sure that the chef preparing the Fugu had a slight case of the flu, resulting in blurry vision while carving up the aquatic delight, leaving substantial amounts of the poisonous toxin flowing into each bite of his delicious meal. As his nervous system shuts down from ingesting the toxin, maybe he would think about all the bad things he has done while watching his five-star chef prepare to show off his ever building necrophilia fetish.

AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION: What if he is one of those guys that can only orgasm by cutting off his air supply? Maybe he will decide that he needs to take his mind off of the upcoming indictment by getting off on extreme bondage play. Maybe that includes choking himself with a rope around his neck while it is tied to one of the ceiling beams in his luxurious apartment. If that were true, then karma might cause him to tie the knot on the rope around his neck too tight resulting in him not being able to remove it in time to catch that last breathe during climax. Instead, the real climax would be him hanging from a beam like a piñata at a kid’s birthday party.

ELECTROCUTION: Now the previous one maybe too extreme for the market mogul…so let’s say that he decided to relax with a hot bath, candles and some Vanessa Carlton (suburban white girl music) on his nearby Bose sound system. It’s relaxing…it’s warm…it’s humid and everything is getting slippery. What if Karma caused him to accidentally knock the now slippery sound system into the tub while singing “making your way down town” along to the young Ms. Carlton? He would have to make his way down town in a coroner’s van.

No matter what happens, even if the bastard doesn’t have Karma befall him in this life, it will befall him in the next life. Maybe he will come back, reincarnated in the form of one of the most vile and unfortunate creatures to walk the Earth…maybe the next reality tv star.

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