In Chin Deep

Spring is in the air and that can only mean one thing if you are in Florida.  It’s time for spring training.  Now to the average baseball fan, this may seem like a great thing, but if   you live here, it sucks.  First the waves of pain in the ass northerners start to fly down.  With a lot of midwest teams coming down here, we get those pale obese fucks flocking here like fatties to the fried twinkie booth at the local fair.  They clog the roads and restaurants for little over a month that is pure hell for locals.  Now normally I would bitch about these fucks and how they annoy me, but something more pisses me off this season.  The fucktard millionaires playing the game and acting like little bitches.

Before the season even started, there was the fallout from the steroid usage happening in the league.  First I gotta say, what the fuck are they doing?  How, in this day and age can you be so absolutely obtuse and think you can get away with using them?  The advances in drug testing have come a long way since the 80’s when everyone was just shooting up in the locker room.  You have fathead Barry Bonds saying it was just some cream he was using.  So because some specialist says use this cream, it’s gonna help you recover you will?  At that rate I could jerk off in a tube and say hey, this will help you recover quicker and make a thousand bucks.  Then we have A-rod, with obligatory yankees sucks!!!!!  How the hell do you honestly expect anyone to believe that you didn’t know what you were using.  When you had to have something shipped in from that third world cesspool called the Dominican Republic because it’s not sold here, that should be a clue momo.  Although I guess if you think with your dick all the time, the shrinkage from the roids could affect your intelligence level.  Now I know A-rod is not the only roid idiot out there.  There are many others out there who are going to live the rest of their life with a baby dick and fat head.  But let’s face it, the yankees suck and anytime you can get the fluffer of Jeter in trouble, it’s a good day.

Now while steroids are an issue, I find it less problematic than other things within baseball.  If these big headed morons want to juice up and destroy their bodies, it’s their choice.  If they get caught, then whatever laws they have broken then they will have to deal with whatever celebrity justice is served to them.  I’m more pissed off at the salaries these jackholes get and then complain they aren’t getting enough.  Let’s first go back to A-rod, cause let’s face it, he seems to just garner controversy with a lot of things.  His giant inflated salary hardly seems plausible.  Forget the astronomical amount of over a quarter of a billion dollars, what has he done to deserve it?  Yes, he is awesome in May and the talk begins is this the year he finally does good the whole season?  Then sometime after the all-star break, he starts to slide down like a gay man in a San Francisco bathhouse.  Then in August, cause they can’t even get into the playoffs anymore, the guy chokes harder than Jeter does going down on him in the locker room showers.  Every year it’s like clockwork.  When they need his skills the most, he chokes.  Really earning that salary he signed.

Now in this off season, there was Manny Ramirez of the dodgers.  Like a whiney little bitch in previous seasons, he wanted the big money he thought he deserves.  Now I will agree the guy is damn good and can definitely affect a team in a positive way.  His performance last season with the dodgers proves that.  However, that still does not mean he can act like a whiney little bitch.  When you first look at how he got to the dodgers, it’s enough to make you want to take a bat to his knees.  Because he wasn’t getting the contract he wanted, he basically shut down playing for a season because he wanted to be traded.  When you have already made tens of millions of dollars, how the fuck can you complain about a 3-5 million dollar difference.  When you are playing a damn kids sport for a job, you should be happy getting even the league minimum of $100,000.  That is for doing absolutely nothing but sitting on the bench the entire season, not getting into even one game as a pinch hitter or pinch runner.  The average salary is over 3 million and even that is more than enough to live comfortably on for years.  These prissy little players that will take a day off because of a hangnail, how the hell can you say you’re working tough and earning that money.  Get out there and if you’re lucky play your eight months of baseball and shut the hell up.  You already get at least four months off, and if you suck, you are rewarded with even more time off.

So I say this to you, the whiney, prissy, little bitches that play baseball.  Don’t bitch to us about how you’re not being paid enough.  You are getting more than you are worth.  Only having two Bentley’s instead of three is not a life altering problem that should affect your playing.  Get out there and play and appreciate that you are being paid for simply playing a kid’s game.  You are living the American dream, so shut the hell up.  If you keep bitching, I hope at some point you fall in the locker room and have a broken splintered bat shoved up your ass.  You deserve nothing less if you start talking contract negotiations during the season.  When I pay $50 for a ticket and then another $30 for a beer and hot dog, you better be hustling your ass around the diamond.  If not, be prepared to be heckled.  I will make you my bitch from the stands by the end of the game. That is my right and I will surely use it.  And no conversation about baseball would be complete without ending it with this nationally appreciated line.

YANKEES SUUUUUCK!!!!!!!

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