In Chin Deep

So it’s March Madness time and that means two things for guys around the nation. Gambling and bracketology.  Now to those females out there that do not understand either term, most likely you fail to realize the stress this time can bring.  Often times there are multiple betting pools we will be involved in and this all but consumes us for the next few weeks.  Typically at least one of the pools will be an office related one, which adds another level of office stress that just is not needed.  So at this time, we offer you this quick tutorial in understanding men’s language that you can apply not just now, but year round.

Fine:  When asking about how your day was and it’s a quick “Fine!” that means it sucked and we sure as hell don’t want to talk about it.  Whether it was our boss being an asshole or jimmy in the mail department that just took the lead in the office pool, we do not want to relive the hellish experience.  However, if it is used at the end of an argument, it means fine, fuck you, I’m done dealing with this shit now!  More often than not it will be shouted because we know you understand better when we yell.

Five Minutes:  Five minutes in basketball, or most any sport, can mean anywhere from 10-30 minutes. It all depends on the amount of penalties and fouls called and tv timeouts taken.  While it can seem like a long amount of your time, for us it’s still only five minutes left in the game.  When dealing with leaving the house however, five  minutes means five minutes.  You need to adjust your time to get dressed based upon the original scheduled time of departure.  This means you do not try on ten different tops right before walking out the door just to go to dinner at Chili’s.

Nothing:  While similar to fine, it means it is a little more complex than simply falling behind in the pool.  Often times it means we bet a little more than we should have in our offshore accounts and are debating is it better to flee the country or cash in some family member’s life insurance policy.  The rest of the year, it means that whatever shit we are dealing with, we do not need to know what you think, nor your pain in the ass mom, or you bitter single friends that hate men would do.  As far as we are concerned, you can all choke on your help.  We are men and can figure this shit out on our own.

Yeah thanks:  Often times this will be the response when you ask if we would like you to go out with your friends. It will often be a very curt reply and will be our signal for you to leave us the fuck alone so we can enjoy the game.  Other times though, while having similar usage, it will be directed towards you pointing out how you did something for us that either we could have done ourselves or did not want done at all.  If you get a “Yeah, sure, thanks”  that means we are pissed off and you need to shut up about it now or we’re gone for the day to the golf course and driving range with our buddies.  And if you really pissed us off, then drinking all night with them.

Whatever:  This one is used when arguing and means I’m stopping this now because I know I am right but you’ll never grasp that.  This will often be the ending of an argument, much like Fine, but used only when we know we are right.  As we typically are right in the arguments, you will be more apt to hearing this from us. It can be used in all types of arguments, be it about why this game is important to watch or why you need to just be quiet and let me finish whatever project I am working on.

Although we understand this is a short list of vocabulary, we wanted to make sure that you ladies would be able to fully understand and maybe learn some of these words.  We are aware that it can be difficult for you to understand that you do not know everything and it can make learning hard for you.  While we let this information seep into those rather thick skulls of yours, we will be working on yet another set of vocabulary words for you in the coming weeks.  It is our hope here that you will eventually be able to understand us men and in doing so make not only our lives easier, but your lives too.  We do care about you women and want to do all we can to help you out in life.  Because let’s face it, in the end it is still all about making men’s lives easy.

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