In Chin Deep

The day that men have come to fear is almost here.  After months of watching football, drinking beer, and eating wings, it has been decided that this is the day to make up for it.  Who decided on this day? History has not been quite clear on this matter, however I believe it may be a mix of the greeting card people and chocolate makers of the world.  In a bid to fill the winter void between the Christmas and Easter sales, something had to be done.  So what did they do?  They decide to take a random day in the shortest month and say this is when you should show you love someone.  This display of course means buying that someone a card and chocolate.  And thus the horror known as Valentine’s day has evolved.

But let us take a look into history and see how love has been shown on this day.  Going back to the dark ages, the Bavarians, with a penchant for killing people, decide to burn to death 2000 jewish people in Strasbourg in 1349.  400 years later, the Hawaiians, apparently as a preemptive strike for being associated with Don Ho, decide to kill Captain James Cook.  And yes I said Cook, not Hook.

Just 150 years later, we see the wonderful religion of the Mormons have their first meeting.  And after watching the Southpark episode on their history, we all know how great that worked out.  Now supposedly they claim Texas was linked to the rest of the U.S. on this date by telegraph.  Apparently that is as close to connecting with the rest of the nation that they could handle.  They still appear to like living in that time period, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Now onto the 20th century.  Starting off right from the beginning in southern Africa, the Second Boer War started.  After a few years, over 75,000 people died in this war between the British and South Africans.  And we all know how great that freedom turned out during apartheid.  In 1929 the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre occurred in Chicago.  Six gangsters were killed in this bloody ambush setup by the gang of Al Capone.  By far this has been one of the more memorable events in recent history.  And if the mob doesn’t think much of valentine’s day, you know it has to be bad.

As for these short years of the 21st century, we already have some wonderful memories of this love filled day.  A water park collapses in Russia killing 25 people in 2004.  A double whammy in 2005 with the Lebanese prime minister assassinated along with a terrorist attack in the Philippines killing 7.  And just last year, a shooting that occurred on the campus of Northern Illinois University.

So what does this recount of history show us?  That Valentine’s day brings nothing but death and misery.  That no matter what men may try to do, history shows we are doomed on this day.  And the truly sad part is that it shows us apparently OJ’s way of loving is the right way.  As he said, over and over again, if he was guilty of anything, it was of loving her too much.

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