In Chin Deep

Living in South Florida definitely has its advantages. One of the best parts of living here is the access to beautiful sandy beaches covered in palm trees and bordered by an ocean that provides some of the best waves on the planet. Weather-wise, today is a typical South Florida day, sunny and warm. The fact that I am writing this from my BlackBerry while my feet rest in the sand should tell you how much I love living here. Aside from the yearly hurricane threat that sometimes deals us a deadly blow, we are generally in perfect beach weather. However, for a short period each year (and as any basic science course will tell you, this is what happens during the winter months) we get a series of cold fronts from the north that shake everything up. For those few weeks a year when we get “taste of the Arctic” cold fronts, our 80F days drop all the way down to the 30s. Now please understand that I know it gets far worse for our neighbors to the north, but we are talking about South Florida.

Each and every year this happens, and with it comes the endless “SOUTH FLORIDA FREEZE” coverage from the big 4 local networks. The local news anchors pull out stock footage of people trading their sandals and tiny bikinis in for jeans and wool jackets, sometimes even gloves. Like clockwork, they always get an interview with some tourist from Quebec or New York that is swimming in the Atlantic (of course, they just came from below zero weather, 50F a fucking sauna compared to that) in a tiny Speedo with his gut and some of his junk hanging out. The most agonizing part of all this is not the cold weather keeping the hotties fully clothed or even the crazy guy from Quebec hanging out of his Speedo, it’s the local weather guy (Mr. Spray-On Tan) telling us how sorry he is for the weather. Now last time I checked, they reported the weather (attempted too is more like it) and were not responsible for making it. I understand they do this because they like to make the old folks and the tourists feel comfortable knowing that they hate the cold too, but all it serves to do to me is make me want to come down to the remote broadcast, punch the douchebag in the throat and then toss him in the Atlantic. The truly amusing part of this is watching the same guy that apologized for the cold weather complains about it being “too warm” outside when the cold lifts the following week. What? That makes no sense!

Maybe I am alone in despising these Junior College dropouts disguised as TV personalities/weathermen. Maybe my rant is nothing more than a self-serving piece of cannon fodder. But maybe…just maybe, someone will read this and do what I do, turn off the local news and get your weather elsewhere. Do me a favor…next time you spot your local weather guy spouting out some crap like this give him a piece of your mind. Down with the douchebag!

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