In Chin Deep

Recently in the news there has been something that has not been mentioned in many years.  Boats have been fighting battles on the high seas again, but not quite like how we are used to imagining.  The pirates of today are a bunch of starvin marvins, most notably sitting off the coast of Somalia in crappy little boats.  Now to the average American, the idea of pirates attacking anything seems laughable, especially when you say African pirates.  How can a bunch of people most known for their stereotypes of living in mud huts, chucking spears, and making special guest appearances on the various...

Is it just me or is email SPAM getting worse? I’ve noticed that volume has increased, grammatical accuracy has decreased, and GMail’s ability to block this shit has gotten worse. At the end of the day, digging through SPAM in my email box has become as painful as my genital warts after a dip in the Dead Sea. The Art of SPAM Recently, I’ve received several messages promising to ‘uplift my sexual event’. I have no idea how this subject line came to fruition but it’s either really idiotic or really intelligent. Idiotic if the foreigner who wrote it couldn’t spend 5 minutes or his miserable...

Recently, I was caught speeding while returning home from the bar one winter evening at about 1am. Really, the whole event would not have taken place had I known how to get home. But, as per usual, my creative juices were flowing and I decided to take a ‘scenic’ route home, placing me directly in the path of a blood-hungry officer of the law, who we’ll call Johnny Law. Long story short; I ended up with $300 in traffic fines and opted to take traffic school to avoid an insurance rate hike. In this situation, things could have turned out worse, much worse. Fortunately, the driving-home-late-at-night-after-drinking...

  Last week the movie girls have been waiting three whole long months since it was in theaters to come out on DVD was released.  I’m talking about none other than the movie about a non-showering vampire and the love struck idiot human girl, aka Twilight.  Now I will preface that I have not seen the movie.  I attempted to watch a downloaded version, but I could not get beyond 15 minutes without hating every person I saw.  However, on a very boring day, and I mean really fucking boring, I took 4 hours to read the book.  I have to say after reading the book, I could not figure out the hype...

Maybe this is a sign that I am getting older…or becoming conservative (ha ha, yeah right), but when did it become common place to watch hardcore porn with your friends and strangers in a regular theater? I haven’t been on vacation that long, have I? Well, if you are a student at one of the lucky universities across the U.S. that were given free screenings of the adult film “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge” you can try and answer that question yourself. Apparently the folks over at Digital Playground (the folks that made the pirate porn tale) decided to give several...

  We all know the people that live in Hollyweird are a little off kilter to say the least.  Their apparent knowledge of politics, the environment, healthcare, and any other social cause you can think of has clearly shown us just how stupid they can be.  All you need to do is go near a group of women by the mini-fridge in the break room at the office to hear about the latest news.  News of course being that Jen Anniston and John Mayer broke up yet again.  Or Brangolina are adopting yet another kid to be scooped away and thrown into a world they will never understand.  Now the truly sad part...

It seems to me that lately, every single time I turn on the news I get blasted with the terms “BREAKING NEWS!” It doesn’t matter if I am watching the local news or one of the cable news leaders. If I am watching the news, I can count on that flashy term getting flopped in my face like the breasts of a drunk girl at Mardi Gras. The term “BREAKING NEWS” is not something new; in fact I can remember seeing it back when I was a little kid watching the news with my dad. The only thing that is different about it today is the fact that its meaning has been altered. You see,...

So it’s March Madness time and that means two things for guys around the nation. Gambling and bracketology.  Now to those females out there that do not understand either term, most likely you fail to realize the stress this time can bring.  Often times there are multiple betting pools we will be involved in and this all but consumes us for the next few weeks.  Typically at least one of the pools will be an office related one, which adds another level of office stress that just is not needed.  So at this time, we offer you this quick tutorial in understanding men’s language that you can...

I was listening to the radio this morning during the rush-hour crunch and heard an advertisement for upcoming concerts in the area. Of the list of bands, I heard a particular band that I was quite familiar with…mainly back in the day through high school…No Doubt. You could say I was pleasantly surprised to find out No Doubt was going to be touring again. Cool…so Tom Dumont, Tony Kanal, Adrian Young, and Gwen Stefani will be performing again as a group. The best part is that we will all get a break from Gwen Stefani’s stint at going solo. That stint has produced tons of suburban teeny-bopper...

Spring is in the air and that can only mean one thing if you are in Florida.  It’s time for spring training.  Now to the average baseball fan, this may seem like a great thing, but if   you live here, it sucks.  First the waves of pain in the ass northerners start to fly down.  With a lot of midwest teams coming down here, we get those pale obese fucks flocking here like fatties to the fried twinkie booth at the local fair.  They clog the roads and restaurants for little over a month that is pure hell for locals.  Now normally I would bitch about these fucks and how they annoy me, but...